Life Explained

I suppose the old adage, "It's never too late" really is true, but do you ever wonder why lessons come so "late" in life?  Something happens and you think, "Hmm...wish I had known this, heard that, thought about this etc. back when I blah blah blah."  This sort of thing happens to me all of the time. Is it a "late thirties" thing (ok almost 40)?  Here are some of the things I wish I knew back when...

-Sometimes you think you know exactly where your life is headed.  Sometimes you are right.  I would venture to say most of the time you are not.  And that's ok.  Sometimes the path is clear.  Sometimes there are obstacles.  Sometimes there are forks.  Sometimes you have to forge through the forest.  There might be people on your path for some of the time.  They may go astray.  That is ok too.  If they are meant to walk with you they will.  There might be some parts of in the journey in which you feel completely alone.  Maybe you are.  Just keep moving.  Many times, your final destination changes.  Different paths emerge.  Obstacles force you to take a new road.  Just let it happen.  Ultimately you will get to where you need to be, where you are supposed to be.

-"People will hate you, shake you, rate you and break you, but how strong you stand will make you." No one knows you like you know you.  In the end that is all that matters.  Know yourself and love what you know.  If you don't love what you know, work harder than ever to change it so you do. It will be hard but it will be worth it.  Trust me on this one.

-In every situation GO WITH YOUR GUT.  Yes, I am "yelling" that one.  It's probably the most important thing I will say in this whole entry.  Trust yourself.  Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself.  Just do it.

-Sometimes it just feels "right" to eat a bag of chips.  Like a whole bag.  With french onion dip.  Yeah, maybe you need to lose 50 pounds and maybe the greasy mess will do nothing for your complexion but trust me when I say one bag of chips is not going to kill you.   Every once in a while just splurge.  And I am not saying that I am doing that right now or anything.  Ok maybe I am (minus the french onion dip dammit) but you know what, I refuse to worry about it.

- Don't let anyone dull your sparkle!  This quote explains:  "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  ~Marianne Williamson~

-Forget about all of the reasons it won't work and focus on the one reason it will.  Just be positive.  Think positive.  Change your self talk from I can't, to I can.  

-Coffee is life.  Up there on the same level of importance as oxygen.  Functioning without it may actually be possible but not recommended.

-Every once in a while, Mom did have a good idea.  

-When you have kids you will wish you could teach them all of these life lessons (and then some) now. You will to some degree try.  They won't listen (or at least you won't think they are).  Then someday, perhaps when they too are in their late 30's they will come to some of these realizations (as well as some of there own).  "You have to hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because most of life's lessons are best learned in pain."

Project Life

It's official.  I need a "project."  For a long time it was to draft a resume and cover letter.  I did that, applied for a job and have been looking for one as well. Then, I set up this huge picture related project scanning a bunch of old photos in to my computer and then sorting all pictures in to specific folders.  I am done with that too.  Next the project was to read up on gardening and plant vegetable seeds.  I am done with that.  The living room and dining room closets needed a major overhaul.  Done.

If you were to ask me to pick one of the biggest things I miss about my "old life" one thing would be always being busy and having some sort of project to work on.  I didn't even have to look for something to do...there was just always something ready to go as soon as I finished with another.  I am not sure that I miss being as busy as I was but I for sure miss having a "cause" to champion and the work associated with it. This is why I know I would be successful in a busy office setting when it comes to the job search.   Making/taking phone calls, scheduling meetings, writing press releases, public relations, developing and distributing informational materials,  event scheduling...all things I did as a volunteer and all things that I know I will be able to implement going forward.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the many various ways I could still volunteer in the community.  I still believe, despite all that has happened, that volunteering is at the core of my being and something that has been missing in my life for the past year.  It is hard to explain really but there is a part of me that is literally bursting at the seams, itching to get back "out there" in some way or another as a volunteer.  Like I said, I miss having a "cause to champion."  Lately, the causing I have been championing has been myself, which really has been a long time coming...taking care of myself emotionally has been a thing that had been neglected for much to long.  I suppose it is a sign of growth that I am mentally at a point that I feel I can continue to take care of me and add volunteering back in to the mix.  And, I know that I can balance the two (something I have been unable to do in the past so the easier of the two (volunteering) always won out).

I guess the next project can be looking for a volunteer opportunity that appeals to me.  I suspect finding the opportunity will not be difficult.  I won't pretend that actually taking the next step and volunteering will be easy because as well as I am doing mentally, there is still a lot of "junk" that needs sorting out up there.  Especially the junk that is concerned with how people may react to my getting back in to the mix.  Most people probably won't think anything of it and those that do...well I just need to remember that how other people treat me is their path and how I react is mine.  Besides, if there is anyone that thinks that what ever volunteer cause I dedicate myself to is not being done on my part out of pure goodness of heart, well that says a heck of a lot more about them than it does me.

Scheduling Sanity

Sometimes, I wonder how it is all supposed to fit in while still trying to eat dinner at a normal hour and getting Julia to bed by 8:30 or so.  I don't think my kids are over scheduled.  Emily has work and Girl Scouts (STUCO when her schedule allows which is not often), Katie has Girl Scouts and basketball, and Julia has dance and Girl Scouts (basketball is not looking like something she will be sticking with but that remains to be seen).

I just went through the February calendar to "plug in" swimming with Julia where we could fit it in.  On the weeks that Ryun works the late shift it will be all but impossible.  Even on the weeks where he is early the only time would be right after school (which is when I usually start cooking) and even then we can't go Tuesdays or Wednesdays.  I have my meetings on Tuesday and she has dance on Wednesday which means she does homework right after school because she doesn't get home until just after 8.   Let's not even talk about the amount of homework she gets.  She has Spelling and/or ELA as well as Math nightly.  In addition she has to read for 25 minutes then answer a question in her reading journal AND spend 15-20 minutes practicing multiplication and division.  Really? This is third grade (thank you Common Core and standardized testing).

Emily would also like to use the Y but that will be on weekends only because of her work schedule.  She doesn't get home until 6PM or so.  Starting next week with the new semester starting at MHS she will have three classes (ELA, History and Spanish) in which she will have homework.  She had an "easy semester" for the first half of the year which involved little to no homework.  Basically, she will be coming home, eating dinner and doing homework.   If she has any free time after that, it will be too late in the evening to visit the Y.  Katie, for the most part, should be able to join Julia and I when we go.

I have all but given up on the idea of the five of us sitting down and eating together during the week.  The weekend is much easier in that respect but otherwise it would take an act of God, or us sitting down at 9PM on some nights which is past Julia's bedtime and pretty close to Ryun's, especially if he is working early (4:30AM wake up).  Nevermind eating together...if I am going to the Y after school, and shuffling kids to and fro, when the heck am I going to cook it?  I am a big fan of the crock pot but even that gets old sometimes.

So how on earth do people do this?  Especially single parents who also work (I am in awe of you by the way).  Being at home during the day is nice in some respects but it really has little to no benefit on the other end of the day when all of the craziness starts.  I don't even know how it will all come together when I do get a job, unless my some miracle I find one that is part time, flexible and/or work from home.

What tips and tricks do you have for managing it all?